She shrieked for forty eight hours straight
And it was equally painful for me;
Then they said a boy has been delivered,
That I may go inside and see.
Confused and uncertain of what to do next;
For I was not ready to be a dad yet;
I put my slow steps inside the labor room;
The wife had her eyes shut.
Gently I shook her up,
‘Hey dear,’ said I, with a fake happy smile;
She said that for all the time I had fun with her in bed,
It has been worthwhile.
‘You’ll be a good mom, you’ll take good care of him,’
Said I to make her happy;
Said she, ‘No time to be mom, going gym to get my curves back;
You change the baby’s nappy.’
Had I ever changed my own nappy to do it now for baby?
Maybe Guruji can help;
Bought some gutkha to chew and hurried off to ashram;
Guruji got up with a loud yelp.
I asked, ‘He pulls my chest hair and my ear;
How can I teach him to respect me?’
‘What to speak of innocent babies;
Even I don’t respect gutkha chewers,’ snarked Guruji.
‘I have never been a parent,’ rued I,
‘Can you teach me how to be one?’
‘The way you learned to procreate,’ said he,
‘You will also learn to be a dad soon;
But anxious and worried as you seem,
You’d teach him nothing but anxiety,’ he fumed.
He paused to take a sniff from his snuffbox,
Exclaimed a deep sense of thrill, then resumed.
‘So you say you are a new dad;
Have you thought about how to bring him up?’
‘I will give him good education Guruji;
Make him what I couldn’t be: a man of medicine.’
Guruji looked at me with some vexation
And inhaled a heavier dose of snuff;
Then he smiled, ‘With a dad like you around,
Bringing up a child is really tough.’
Then he uttered it all in one breath:
A feat only Guruji can be capable of;
‘Hear o friend, you came before him,
So you could teach, protect and guide him thereof;
The child is not your property,
So you have no right to force or dominate him;
Stop seeking respect and learn to love him,
While your wife goes away to gym.’
– By Marlowe